Am I Not Enough

So this past week has been a real battle for me.  On Sunday night, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was not placing my joy in Christ.  I discovered that instead, I had placed my own self-love, my relationship, my family, my friends, the fact that I was finally almost done with college on the throne  of my heart.  Once I had made that discovery, I began to fight to surrender those things to God, and it wasn't easy, Sunday night, after praying with friends, I went to bed at peace, but immediately Monday morning, my heart was once again in turmoil.  I couldn't find peace, and so I wrestled with God to surrender again, and wrestled, and wrestled.  I was warring with God until Tuesday afternoon.  Finally I gave in, I couldn't keep fighting anymore.  I cried out for the strength to surrender, and He answered me.  And from then till now and for the rest of my days, I can have peace and contentment, I can have joy in Christ, I can have rest, but only upon surrender of my will, my pleasure, my self-sourced joy.  I must give it all up, nail it to the bloody cross I have been called to bear and find my joy in the only true source of joy, Jesus Christ.  Through this battle, I decided to write a simple poem that expresses what I have been feeling.  I hope that it can be a blessing to you as these truths have been for me.

Am I Not Enough

Clayton Campbell

See how I have made you,

Am I not enough for you?

See how I have known you,

Am I not enough for you?

See how I have chosen you,

Am I not enough for you?

See how I have loved you,

Am I not enough for you?

See how I have lived for you,

Am I not enough for you?

See I have suffered for you,

Am I not enough for you?

See I have bled for you,

Am I not enough for you?

See I have died for you,

Am I not enough for you?

See I have risen for you,

Am I not enough for you?

See I have forgiven you,

Am I not enough for you?

See I have protected you,

Am I not enough for you?

See I have prepared a place for you,

Am I not enough for you?

I see you have turned away,

Am I not enough for you?

I see you have loved another,

Am I not enough for you?

I see you have worshiped another,

Am I not enough for you?

My cross, my love, my blood,

Am I not enough for you?

One day you will return and see,

I AM enough for you!

When I consider the works of your hands...

Sorry I haven't posted in ages.  College life has been nuts and I interned this past summer so I didn't have a lot of time for blogging.  I hope to be more faithful at posting from now on.

So last night I was walking to my play practice with my girlfriend and I happened to glance upward and I was once again blown away by the beauty of the stars.  Ever since the dawn of history, mankind has been fascinated by the stars. 

We desire to see them and study them.  Since the creation of the telescope, we have been scanning the heavens and more and more, and are blown away by their intricacies and wonder.  Once the Hubble Space Telescope was created, we are able to see farther out into space, in more and more detail, seeing countless wonders in the heavens. 

The heavens have been the inspiration for so many of man's greatest works of literature.  My favorite poem, written by the great American poet Walt Whitman, is called When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer.

When I heard the learn’d astronomer;

When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;

When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;

When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;

Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself

In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,

Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

That poem captures my feelings about life, especially being a college student.  Sometimes we just need to be silent and bask in the glory of what we are learning about, not the facts and figures.  Sorry, that was a bit of a rabbit trail.
The Bible speaks much about the stars.  It calls them the sons of God, it speaks in the book of Job about God leading them in their place.  One of my favorite passages about the stars however, is in the Psalms.  In Psalm 8, David writes:

¹ Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory
    in the heavens.
² Through the praise of children and infants
    you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
    to silence the foe and the avenger.
³ When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?

⁵ You have made them a little lower than the angels
    and crowned them with glory and honor.
⁶ You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
    you put everything under their feet:
⁷ all flocks and herds,
    and the animals of the wild,
⁸ the birds in the sky,
    and the fish in the sea,
    all that swim the paths of the seas.

⁹ Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

So next time you see the stars, think about how amazing they are, and think that even though they are so mighty and beautiful, He chose to love us.  He chose to make His dwelling with us.  He chose to die for us.  Think about how He loves you enough to die for you.  Let that thought blow you away.